How Do You Console A Broken Heart?

Last Thursday night, I got news from the group mailing list that I belong to, that my friend’s mother was in the ICU. She told me two days before, that she planned to visit her mother and would depart on Sunday to her home country. I could feel her anxiety. Then on Friday morning, I called my friend again to know about more news of her mother. In the middle of our conversation, suddenly I heard her mumbling something. I couldn’t make up what she said, so I asked her about it. From the telephone I listened to her crying and said that she just received news from her sister, that her mother passed away.

I’m not good in consoling others when they’re in mourning. I can feel their pain and devastation. I’ve been there, but somehow I doubt that any words that I say would be sufficient to relief what they feel. Do I say,”I’m sorry for your loss”? Or, do I say,”You must feel terrible”? Or,”I know how you feel”? When I was mourning my mother’s passing a year ago, I learned at how people around me tried to console me. I didn’t ignore any of them, but when some people tried to console me by telling their own story of mourning, I stopped listening. It’s not because I didn’t care, but I think every mourning, every heartbreak is different. So you cannot draw the same line,”I’ve been there, you should feel this or do that”. Unless the person asks you to tell your own story, maybe keep yours instead.  Sometimes a hug, a long-tight hug is all a person needs, nothing else. I don’t think there’s any words that can truly represent of sympathy, although, the usual “sorry for your loss”, is somewhat enough.

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8 thoughts on “How Do You Console A Broken Heart?

  1. Be a friend listen, love and show up in her life. The hardest part of trauma is loosing friends I thought were my friends. They just go away not knowing what to say or do and well life is too messy for them. Learned these people are not my friends via the blessing of trauma.

    • Thank you for your insight. The hardest part being in bad situation is when persons that you call friends suddenly keeping distance or the worst yet, pretending to listen to your problem but then there’s no response afterwards.

      • Yes I understand this for sure. In fact you have prompted me to write a post in my blog on this subject. After the semi truck accident I lost several long term friends. They just did not want to deal with the trauma my husband and I were facing. I have learned GOD used the trauma (fire) to burn all the sucker friends off from us. I will forever love them and pray for them and I was hurt deeply by their actions but I realze life changes and these were not real friends. The friends that are still in my life have never left, they suffered the loss and pain right next to me and it deeply affected them but still they listen to me and encourage me to communicate and partcipate with them the best I can. These friends are gifts from GOD. Angels in the human form.

      • Sorry about your accident. Are you and your husband alright now? I hope you both are coping well.

      • Hi,

        Thank you! Yes we aer stronger, I am finally sleeping thru the night and pain is managed with a great pain doctor. Our life will never be the same we are ineed forever changed and for the friends that stayed close to us well we are forever grateful. The others that drifted away it was extremly painful and I would have never beleived these friends would do this. They are not ment to stay in our lives and we look forward to the new friends GOD will bring into our life in the future.

      • I hope you get all the strength you need both physically and mentally.

      • It is so nice to meet you. I pray you find the answers you are looking for and my pain and suffering has helped you in some way. This thing called life is such a deep journey it is all dependent on each of us caring for another human and animals to be the best we can be. GOD bless you!

      • It is nice to get to know you too.

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