There’s so many thoughts that have been racing in my mind. It feels as if I became stoic, senseless and hopeless. I was angry with my self for letting some people or things got a hold of me. Nobody could snap me out of it! I was in a whirlwind of thoughts, lost of purpose and I forgot to exhale. I forgot to read between the lines and see the beauty within. My friends told me to take it easy, but I refused. I put more burdens on my shoulders and I said to my self to keep on moving. I know that I’m at war with my self. My anxiety builds up and I found my self had a hard time to breath. But then there’s a voice that keeps nagging, telling me to calm down. Maybe things are not as bad as I think they would turn out. So I found a chair and sat, opened up my laptop and started to type. One word, two words, and several sentences along the way, while I listened to some of old songs. Songs that have been in my library since I was a teenager. Songs that helped me preparing for the hardest tests. There I sat, swaying my head, mimicking the lyrics and tapping my foot on the ground. I’ve found what I missed lately, a time to be by my self and find my inner peace.
Edgar Allan Poe
The first time I knew of Edgar Allan Poe was when I was in college. I wasn’t accustomed of getting to know an American poet ( I was still living in Indonesia back then). I read his poem called “A Dream Within A Dream” and “To My Mother” and fell in love right away with his words. When my mother passed away several years ago, what came to mind to describe my mourning was Poe’s poem about his mother. I felt as if the poem was my own words to relieve the pain from losing someone so dear in life. Then, when I took the scene above when my girls and I visited the Conservatory Garden in Central Park, New York, and thought of using it to represent another poem, Poe’s “Romance” was it.
When I was just starting to really learn about photography some years ago, I felt very stimulated by some interesting things I found on the road. One late Spring when I took the kids to visit Central Park, I saw lots of Tulips were blooming near the Boat House. People flocked the place, and in every corner everyone was buzzing with conversations. Among the purple, fuchsia and yellow tulips, was the most attractive of all, a yellow tulip with a touch of red. I looked here and there for any sign of red tulips, but there was none. It’s a mystery its self how the yellow tulip got its red color. Perhaps a fairy came and kissed it.
(Note: This is me still in the reminiscing mood from my old blog – the photo was taken by my loyal pocket camera.)
Before the clock strikes midnight from the first day to second day in January, I want to wish you all a warm new year greeting. I don’t have any special resolutions. Because I think I don’t need a new year to make one. Any day is a good day to make any resolution. But I hope and pray that this year will be a peaceful one around the world. I’ve seen, read and heard of so many heartbroken stories in 2012. Imagine if there’s heaven on earth (I know, it sounds cliche). Imagine that people will help others more, rather than take advantage from them or do harm towards them. Perhaps we can start from our selves and this is me telling my self, I can be a better person than yesterday. How about you?